What would you say constitutes “bad sex”? I guess it’s a very personal thing, isn’t it? A few complaints I’ve heard before (not personally directed ones, of course) are factors like a lack of effort, premature ejaculation, selfishness… A partner who is unwilling to be adventurous perhaps? But hey girls, how about that awkward moment when you’re about to get down to business and the guy apparently completely dismisses your vagina and PIERCES HIS PENIS STRAIGHT INTO YOUR STOMACH?! Take a moment to think about our bedbug sisters, for whom this is a real issue. This practice, my friends, is known as traumatic insemination.
The name alone gives me the shivers. The thing is, bedbugs only mate in this way, despite the females having a perfectly good and functioning vagina. So why has this seemingly horrific mating behaviour evolved? It is likely that it was down to competition between males, all of whom were trying to get their own sperm as close to the female’s reproductive tract as possible (why use the vagina when you can go straight for the ovaries, right?!)
Obviously, this mating practice is not ideal for the female bedbug. Essentially, every time she has sex she is being seriously wounded. Although on the plus side, evolution in all its wonderful glory has tried its best to help the females respond to this problematic mating practice. Female bedbugs have evolved a unique thing called a spermalege, which is basically like a little pseudo-vagina situated on the abdomen; roughly the area into which the males are likely to spear their member. It makes sense to think that this evolutionary response benefits the females by causing less wound damage during mating, but at least one study has shown that the spermalege does not actually reduce the cost of wound healing. It is more likely that this counter-adaptation functions to reduce the risk of infections that can be picked up during mating.
And it’s not just the females who have to watch out – male bedbugs will happily traumatically inseminate anyone who happens to be around, including family members, males, and creatures of other species. Those disgusting little bastards! Oh and guess what… All this is quite possibly happening in your bed as you sleep.
Anyway, sweet dreams, SLEEP TIGHT XXX