I am a bit of a grammar ninja. I really am one of those assholes who can’t see any excuse for bad grammar and inappropriate use of, or complete lack of, punctuation – ESPECIALLY when such pillaging of the English language is carried out by big companies who really should know better – or, at the very least, hire someone to check these things over.
I’m talking to you, high-street male clothing chain Officers Club. I present you with the first faux pas right there – as the company belongs to the officers, the name should read “Officers’ Club” (note the addition of an apostrophe). But that’s not my only beef with this particular company. I walked past the Newcastle branch of the store today and saw window stickers that absolutely horrified me. Unfortunately I did not have my camera on my person at the time and so have had to somewhat crudely reproduce the window stickers using Paint, but I can assure you that for the purpose of this discussion, they are accurate enough.
Officers Club (sic), I can deal with you neglecting to place an apostrophe in your name. I get that it might be quirky or cool to be grammatically rebellious and the kids on the street might really relate to that side of your personality. But to then insert apostrophes where they are not only completely unnecessary, but are so obviously against all the rules of punctuation that I am willing to pull out my own hair from my scalp and use it to cover up this absolutely unforgivable defecation on everything everyone has ever learned in English class: Then it becomes personal.
If there is an Officers Club near you, do go and have a look at their windows and if nothing else, just shake your head at the shop. They may think you’re insane, but you can hold your disappointed head high, proud of the fact that you know how to use basic primary school level punctuation, and this massive company does not. If you want to make more of an impact, perhaps write them a strongly worded email or go and laugh in the face of the manager. Tell them Loris sent you.
LET ALL THOSE WHO LOVE GRAMMAR UNITE AND STAND AGAINST THOSE WHO ABUSE IT