I’m not saying I’d ever like to have an intimate relationship with a fish, but if I had to, like, if it was a life-or-death situation, I’d probably choose to kiss a red-lipped batfish.
I’m sure you can see why this particular specimen would be my first choice. I’d smooch that, and give it an eskimo kiss on that big nose too.
Oh, except I wouldn’t, because that’s not actually a nose (DUH IT’S A FISH YOU IDIOT), it’s more of a fishing rod. A lure descends from this head extension in order to lure pray, akin to the hunting methods of better-known ugly fish, the deep sea anglerfish. The way which the fish uses this lure (which could be mistaken for a dangling bogey if you did believe that head-horn to be a nose) is unclear, but it’s thought to attract pray right into the predator’s face. You can see the red-lipped batfish use its lure in the video below.
Like many creature anomalies, this strange fishy lives in the seas around the Galapagos islands. It’s not even a very good swimmer, and instead sort of walks around the seabed, making it an ever weirder fish which is looking less and less like a fish the more we learn about it.
So there we have it, the red-lipped batfish – the fish with bright red lips, who goes fishing for its dinner, and who walks rather than swims. I SALUTE YOU, WEIRDO.
(p.s. Call me x)